Those Who Grieve

5/29/10

For whatever reason God chose to make us the way He did...limited and suffering and subject to sorrows and death...He had the honesty and courage to take His own medicine.Whatever game He is playing with His creation, He has kept His own rules and played fair...He Himself has gone through the whole human experience, from the trivial irritations of family life and the cramping restrictions of hard work and lack of money to the worst horrors of pain and humiliation, defeat, despair, and death!

Dorothy Sayers

When you read this it makes you understand just a little more about who my God is. He is not one who does not understand what I am going through. He knows full well all the pain of loss.

He is walking right beside me all the way. He will never leave me.

I am not alone.

My God not only understands my sorrow, He has the power to do something about it.

Isaiah 61:1 “He came to heal the brokenhearted”

Matthew 5:4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted”

He knows how to bring comfort to me. I will ask daily for Him

to show me the comfort He promises those who grieve.

Some days I just don’t see it...but I know He is with me.

Isaiah 50:4 ...The sovereign Lord has given me his words of wisdom, so that I know how to comfort the weary.

Jeremiah 31:25

For I have given rest to the weary and joy to the sorrowing.

Isaiah 49:13

For the Lord has comforted his people and will have compassion on them in their suffering...

Today...I would ask “Are you suffering?” “Have you lost someone really close to you, as I have?” “Or it may be something just big to you alone...maybe your health?” Whatever it is “He cares for you”

1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,

because the LORD has anointed me

to preach good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners,

2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,

3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor. Isaiah 61:1-3

I Take heart that He will provide me with a “crown of beauty”

and “oil of gladness”and “a garment of praise” and...that I will display His Splendor or Glory....ALL FOR US WHO GRIEVE!

3 Strengthen the feeble hands,
steady the knees that give way;

4 say to those with fearful hearts,
"Be strong, do not fear...

Isaiah 35:3-4

Be strong in the Lord...He is our only help in time of need!

M&M Fight

5/27/10

Ps. 27

The Lord is my light and my salvation-whom(what) shall I fear? (TLB)With him on my side I’m fearless, afraid of no one and nothing

:3 Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear.

(TLB)When all hell breaks loose, I’m collected and cool.

Hell has broken loose in my life and my heart wants to fear...it wants to fear the future...and the present...this is the war that I

fight moment by moment...my new M&M...its a moment by moment fight! A constant battle!

Romans 12:2
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

It’s the battle of the mind I fight...to know that the Lord will never leave me...that He will be a husband to the widow...that I do not have to fear ....that He is my protector and provider!

As I fight this battle...I have the confidence that He will show me what His will is for this new journey that I am on... His Good, pleasing and perfect will.

The Battle

5/25/10

I see myself in a battle...A soldier at war...Fighting my way through this thing we call grief...The enemy of my soul constantly wanting me dead...to stop me from carrying on the work that Mell and I had started.

I am fighting until the end...I fight all day long...my battle each day is to make it to the end of the day doing His will and following Him. Then... when it comes time to rest...I rest and grieve my sweet Mell who I have the confidence that I will see again soon !

Prepare for the battle ahead…His return is coming soon!

Ephesians 6:12
For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

New Desire !

Mell's friend

Dale was

working on the

Island

this is his dog

and my new

friend !

From Bills Tower …ours is the 2nd dock

The Cross at the Point of the Island

5/12

Wednesday I went swimming and as I was swimming I told the Lord “Lord...I just want Mell to beproud of me” “You know that I am doing what I know he would want me to do” “ Lately when I feel God speak to me, its strong! I felt him say” that’s what I want to know, that you want me to beproud of you too!” All I could think of was that scripture “Well done thy good an faithful servant” I want to hear him say that to me!

This was so real to me...I really know that Mell is with the Lord..

He is right there with him and I wanted him to be proud of me! Now I really understand how God feels about me! He wants me.. to want him ..to be proud of me too!

This is my goal now...to make my Lord proud of me! To hear him say when its my turn to go home. “Well done thy good and faithful servant!” I hope you too will desire this in your life...it is my prayer for you...to Make your God proud of you! He has given you a free gift ..the gift of salvation...don’t keep it to yourself..share it with all you come across!

Island Solo Boat Ride

5/14/10

Three months have passed since my sweetheart has gone home.

I miss him more each day...everyday I have to say goodbye all over again..but my mind is clearing up and I can think more and remember more...the hurt is still so bad but I am determined with the strength of the Lord to continue on the path that we were headed.

I feel like a bulldozer sometimes just clearing a path that I can

walk through...or a man with a machete cutting a path through

the jungle..its hard work...but in the end it makes walking through easier!

Today was a big day for me. I came to the Island for my second time without Mell... I put the boat in the water and I drove it to the what we on the Island call “”The Hill” why we call it the hill was my question the last time we were here together, because there is no hill that I can see. But they all say it is more of a hill than the Island! My neighbor Donelle road with me as a support but I did it alone. It was crazy but I did it...I was emotionally exhausted on the return..but I did it!

This was something I had to do alone and I did it. Tomorrow I have to put the boat back on the hoist...that is the only thing Mell never made me do...I helped him over and over and watched him do it but I never did it ...so it will be a real challenge for me.

This second time here was different than the last time...it was still hard but just different. Just being here makes me feel good. It was our special place and a lot of our closeness and growth in the Lord and with each other happened here at the Island. We spent a lot of time here together alone.

5/16/10

My neighbor Bill came over and showed me 3 or so different ways to put the boat back on the hoist…we did it over and over…Bill was determined to help me and I was determined to do it alone! Finally I think I did it! Thanks Bill!

My Little Avi

Avi is now about 5 week old and it won't be long until I bring her home!

Mark Cahill

A few weeks ago I went to hear Mark Cahill speak in Lilburn GA. Mark is the one who wrote "One Heart Beat Away"

Mell and Robert and I had met him once before.

Now he knows who I am!

Mell's 3 Month Home Going

Mell's brother Doug Made a cross for the Crash Site and we

put it there today …His 3 month anniversary of his Home Going…

The crash site looks like a cave now with the trees surrounding the place where the plane went into the wooded area…

It seems like 3 years for me since Mell went home to be with our Savior…this has been the

longest 3 months of my life…

the ladies in my grief group were talking about their visiting the grave site on an anniversary of the death of their husbands and I said " I don't have one" there were others who don't have grave sites…

but I thought I have a crash site…and when I was driving down Old Peachtree again…I saw crosses along the way where people have been killed and thought…" I could do that at the crash site for Mell…so with handy dandy "Doug" we pulled it off…the lady who owns the house said it was ok…and now we have a place to visit when we need to go there and today I needed to go there…it was somewhat harder today to visit the site than in the past…I don't know why…but it was…

My Song To Mell

God is Good

Psalm 40

1 I waited patiently for the LORD;

he turned to me and heard my cry.

2 He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.

3 He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.

4 Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods. [a]

5 Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.

6 Sacrifice and offering you did not desire,
but my ears you have pierced
burnt offerings and sin offerings
you did not require.

7 Then I said, "Here I am, I have come—
it is written about me in the scroll.

8 I desire to do your will, O my God;
your law is within my heart."

9 I proclaim righteousness in the great assembly;
I do not seal my lips,
as you know, O LORD.

10 I do not hide your righteousness in my heart;
I speak of your faithfulness and salvation.
I do not conceal your love and your truth
from the great assembly.

11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, O LORD;
may your love and your truth always protect me.

12 For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me.

13 Be pleased, O LORD, to save me;
O LORD, come quickly to help me.

God is good...that is all I have to say.....God is good.

Just Missing Mell...

1 Peter 5:8-11

8Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

10And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.11To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

4/26

This was written by a young man who lost his sister in a car wreck…I put the him in for Mell..

Some days are better than others, the struggles within are a constant struggle. It goes back and forth.

Some days are better than others, laughing, crying, living, dying.

Its a circle, a very exhausting circle.

Continuing in faith, but almost loosing hope.

Some days are better than others.

The enemy pulls one way. He is so strong.

My savior has his arms around me holding me tight.

The enemy shouts “Why didn’t you save him?” and my savior whispers”I did”

He did save Mell from death…He took him to live with Him...

I just miss him...

Cousin Wayne's Letter

This was Wayne's Letter to me after I wrote the goodbye letter to Mell...

Mary,

I wanted to find a quiet time to read this. You could not have expressed your feelings better and Mell loved getting this letter of love from you. Love is not confined by this world and I know your message found its way to him just as your love will bring you again in time to where he is. Of all the things you shared in this world that have to stay behind love is the one thing we get to keep forever if we choose to. Maybe that is why Jesus said to love God and to love one another were the most important things. Love is the keeper. Mell would have loved flying in Alaska but what he loved more was flying with you in Alaska. When I looked at the pictures that you made of Mell in Alaska I looked into his eyes and I felt if I was seeing him for the first time. They say the eyes are the window of the soul and I know that I was looking at a happy contented man and the camera captured it. He was where he wanted to be and he was looking at the person he wanted to be there with. That is pretty special and he knew it too. Now he can never go again to fly in Alaska but he lived that dream and he will remember. You were a big part of that dream and bigger to him than Alaska. Soon I believe you will dream your dreams and one day you will carry them with you. I can see him smiling as you tell him of your adventures. He will take a lot of pride and satisfaction in knowing that the journey that you began together keeps right on going on both sides of the divide. Your doing your best Mary and that being a better Mary than you could have been without your lives together. Mell doing his best Mell and he knows the difference you made in his life right into eternity. I suspect when you meet back up he will ask you the same thing he asked me when I finally found Tocoa airport after an adventure flight to pick him up in the first airplane Falcon Aviation ever had in its inventory to sell. "What took you so long?"

Mary, thanks for making yourself into the perfect soulmate for Mell Hall to meet and fall in love with. He didn't do that often. It took one special lady for that. I know I am right to think that God was looking for just the right two people to compliment each other. I think the camera caught the wisdom of that in both of you. When I look at those pictures of Mell anywhere with you he looks like he is looking at me in the pictures. He was looking at you. I know he loved me too, but he could never look at me quite like that.

Solo Flight(click here to see all videos and pictures)

We started out flying towards the city...down the Hudson River to the Statue of Liberty and back…NJ is amazing! Right outside the city is much wilderness not quite as much as Alaska but beautiful!…this is part of where the Appalachian trail crosses… we did several take offs and landings in grass strips…talked to other pilots and looked at lots of different airplanes…several that I had never seen before, I had to wonder if Mell had seen them? He would have loved it too!

Everything was perfect!

Our take off was amazing…I did not feel one ounce of fear. Not at all during any of the flight!

God was truly with me and I had confidence in my Pilot Christina…I knew that God had hand picked her for this very special flight when I was driving down Old Peachtree and saw the Supercub fly over. I had to stop and call her…knowing I had to go up again with her and in her Supercub!

I had to think how we met in McCarthy AK. God knowing that I only had limited time with my sweet Mell, provided me with a female pilot friend… If I decide to fly in the coming year…she is a great encouragement to me…I can't tell you how many pilots have told me they were flying today because of Mell…she told me how her instructor said she would never be able to land the Super cub...and she is now a legend! "The Lady pilot who flies to Alaska! " and last year alone!

It was strange flying without Mell…I always feel as if I have forgotten something…sometimes I have and sometimes its just that I feel I have forgotten him…I turn around and he is not there…

Sometimes I think I feel his presence and I turn around and actually look. It was that way several times on this flight.

One of my friends said" I can see God and Mell High five-n" and I said "Yes " to that. I know he is proud of me and would say thanks to Christina for taking me up.

Mell thought a lot of her too!