The First Few Days... Love Never Fails

7/8/11

I left the airport in my new ride…(I think I want one) …thanks to my friend Mike! I look good in it Mike…and it makes me feel even more at home!

I am staying with Jay and Sandy..our friends who were with me when I received word that Mell had been in a crash…The first day here Jay took us out in their boat out for a test ride on Cotton wood lake …Jay let me try out driving the boat… ….we visited their friends who live on an Island on the lake…then they put me to work…and I enjoyed every minute of it ...they have taken me under their wings and made me feel like family here..I took this picture of Jay's cub at midnight here…just to give you an idea of the darkness here????

I revisited the Palmer Pool where we spent many rainy days when we couldn’t fly.

The second year we came out here it was a bad summer...weather that is...so we spent many days with Janice our real-estate lady, when on those rainy days she gave us houses and more houses to look at...we just traveled around looking...and looking...and looking! It was great fun! Getting lost…Mell was so good at finding our way back!

I met with her today...we talked and shared our lives with one another.

Everywhere I drove..I could almost point out some of the houses we looked at...I have seen videos in my head and heard conversations that we had ...and felt very alone...my heart aches as I write this, but at the same time I have peace... This place was to be our home. I have let go of making it my home without Mell. But as soon as I got here I said

“Now I remember why we wanted to live here part of the year.”

Yesterday I met with Helen and Paul...we had stayed in their little cabin the last year we were here...We too had much to share about life. On the way to there house there is a street called

"Better Duck" Everytime and I mean everytime we passed it Mell would say "Better DUCK!"

I had to laugh as I heard his voice telling me to DUCK!

I had dinner with Patty… at mine and Mell's favorite restaurant in Palmer "Turkey Red" Patty was the one with me half way up Lazy Mountain.

I left there and visited the Palmer airport…took a picture of a husky airplane like we had …the old courtesy car was still there…what a blast we had as we turned heads in this old clunker!

Again I feel like family here...God is Good...His love endures forever

It has been 17 months since I lost my Mell..

Psalm 100:5

For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations

1 Corinthians 13:8
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

Lazy Mountain

Go to: www.mmtakeflight.blogspot.com ,and see this same trip when Mell and I did it Sept 7, 2008. Mell did a video explaining the whole valley…you must check it out.

click the archive and pick this date.

Received Mell's ashes on Friday…My friend Patty and I started out together on the gruesome hike up Lazy Mountain around 11:30 on Saturday. This is the most beautiful place, but I remember Mell and I saying we would never do it again! Its a 3000 foot elevation climb in 2.5 miles and no switch backs! Patty decided her limit was at Mile 1…so I set up alone the rest of the way...

When I got to the top…I had about 15 or 20 minutes to myself before some other hikers came

up…I could see them coming…

I had my personal little service for Mell ….and spread some of his ashes over the valley below…where we had decided to retire part time…we would be what Alaska calls "snow birds"…when the snow comes the birds fly away! I sang "It is well with my soul" Had a good cry and awaited the hikers…when they arrived I had them take pictures of me in the same spot where Mell and I had taken photos…then they continued to climb…and I said "I didn't know we could go further?

So I followed them …up this narrow little ridge …took more photos…looking down on the flag

where we had taken our original photos…

They left and I stayed longer…just lingering …not wanting to leave…I left part of me there…I think…or I just had that feeling … that missing Mell feeling…wishing he was there…

Had some great conversations with God…asked for His help…He met me there as He always

does…and I pushed myself up and off the top…heading back down the steep decent … always missing Mell ….forever longing to see my Lord and King…and meet Mell again in heaven!

This is the hope we have in Christ…we do not grieve as the world grieves …we grieve with hope of seeing our loved ones again!

1 Thessalonians 4:13

¹³ Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.

Three Sisters

Three sisters unite with one another in Vacaville, CA

One of our sisters in Christ, Christina, left Georgia 6 months ago

on a new journey of her life as a travel nurse in San Jose, CA

My sister, Debbie, (my travel buddy, my widow buddy, my best friend forever, my confidant, you name it that’s what she is)...we left Georgia together...she went to visit her family in Vacaville, Ca and me to SF to see Graham and Emily...Christina picked me up at the end of the week in SF and we took off for Vacaville...the three sisters met up and had a great reunion...meeting all of Debbie's family and becoming part of the family ourselves.

There was Matt, Deb’s brother and his wife, Charlotte, and Deb’s sister Karen, and her sister, Chris and her husband Bob and her mother “Rusty”(Delores) Deb’s dad nicknamed her “Rusty” I love it! and I wouldn’t leave out Lucy the dog...and Ava the dog(she belonged to Christina)

We feasted like Kings and Queens...California is just one big feast! Good people and good food! What else can you ask for besides Mell...I miss him soooo much....tears of pain and tears of memories flood my soul...I am overwhelmed...but it is well with my

soul...it is well..

We went from the cool air of SF to the steaming hot heat of Vacaville ...toasting in at 103 degrees highest I think we got! I even felt a little humidity!

Charlotte being a widow before marrying Matt....added some real

flavor to my life...touching the very deepest part of my heart.

I mentioned spreading Mell’s ashes in SF and she asked if I was

going to spread them in Alaska...pouncing on the opportunity I

quickly put into motion to get them sent to me here in Alaska.

Thank you, Charlotte! Get busy Robert!!!

Hebrews 10:24-26

²⁴ And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, ²⁵not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

And that's just what we did…we met…we spured one another on…we encouraged one another all the more!

Wisdom and Understanding?

Graham and I took off on his motorcycle up to Marin Headlands…this was where we took

many of the photos used at Mell's memorial service.

I had given Graham some of Mell's ashes to spread here on the west coast where we had

spent those precious days with him and Emily.

He had not been back up there so I ask if he would take me there. We went to the beach

and had a little memorial service at the ocean…I was reminded of the time when Mell and I were in Italy at the beach…(1st photo) I was resting and he walked down to the water and was just meditating on the waves…then all of a sudden he stepped down into the water and a big

wave covered his legs! I laughed and asked him what he was doing? He said he was counting the waves…his friend JC said every seventh wave is a big one???? Well something went wrong and Mell got wet…it was just funny…anyway I got the big wave too…and I also got wet!

It really was a healing moment, I think ,for both of us…I was able to laugh about the waves and getting wet...and it was good to be there with Graham. Its funny how that brought back the memory of Italy and the waves!

When I looked at the ocean and the great cliffs and all that God in his wisdom had made…

I thought of Job and what he had said:

Job 28:

¹² But where can wisdom be found?
Where does understanding dwell?
¹³ No mortal comprehends its worth;
it cannot be found in the land of the living.
¹⁴ The deep says, “It is not in me”; the sea says, “It is not with me.”

²⁰ Where then does wisdom come from?
Where does understanding dwell?
²¹ It is hidden from the eyes of every living thing,
concealed even from the birds in the sky.
²² Destruction^[b] and Death say,
“Only a rumor of it has reached our ears.”

²³ God understands the way to it
and he alone knows where it dwells,
²⁴ for he views the ends of the earth
and sees everything under the heavens.

²⁵ When he established the force of the wind
and measured out the waters,
²⁶ when he made a decree for the rain
and a path for the thunderstorm,

²⁷ then he looked at wisdom and appraised it;
he confirmed it and tested it.
²⁸ And he said to the human race,
“The fear of the Lord—that is wisdom,
and to shun evil is understanding.”

I think to fear the Lord…is to respect what He in His wisdom has made and what He says in His word, to believe it…and to have understanding is simple…shun what is evil.

He is jealous for me…he wants my complete commitment and my complete devotion!

My hope is to keep my commitment and my devotion set on Him! and what about you? Just ask God…Is this all there is to life? Well ….yes there is more to life…abundant life is yours for the asking…Rivers of living water are yours to drink!

Dig Deep

My first day in SanFransisco proved "Relieving" from the Georgia "Heat" wave…I actually got cold!

I got to see my son, Graham, and where his office/workshop is and the photobooth he is building

in an old phone booth.

Fog covered the city and began to break around 1pm or so…nice summer breeze~something we know nothing about.

But the fog reminded of me of why I started this blog…."fog" of my loss of Mell.

I felt I couldn't see or hear clearly…the shock of Loss…We all have some kind of loss in our lives….but will we ever let the fog break…will we ever see clearly again and feel the summers cool breeze?

Jeremiah 29:13
You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.

Begin your search of God today…He is to be found! Dig Deep with all your heart!

"Cheated"

As I prepare for my trip to SanFransisco and Alaska I am reminded of the last trip to both places…both with my sweet Mell.

In November of 2009 we both visited my son, Graham and his girl Emily. Graham showed us around the town. Mell had told me he had been to SF before…I quickly realized he hadn't seen much….just flew in on business and looked around some and flew out…

Graham did a great job as tour guide and I have great memories of that trip.

Mell really enjoyed the trip and was glad he had come with me.

Tues night at griefshare…a subject came up.."cheated" I just feel cheated!

How many times had I said the same thing! I had met the man of my dreams…we were so

in love and he treated me wonderful! He loved me! I wanted…really wanted to spend the rest of my life with him…I didn't care if he got sick and I had to take care of him…I felt like I finally could keep my marriage commitment …..but I didn't think it would be the part "till death do us part"

Yes I felt cheated! We had just begun our life together…we had hopes and dreams just like all of you…do or did…

But when one of my group members said "I feel Cheated" and then another said "I do too"

I had to say "I remember feeling the same way" "I felt Cheated" It was a strong feeling too!

But it struck my heart that I don't feel that way anymore. Healing is begining.

I feel so blessed to have been Mell's wife for even a short time. He was a good husband and

I will never be the same person I was before I was his wife. Our love for each other and God

changed both of our lives.

I am not the same! I am blessed because of him and I believe he was blessed because of me.

God put us together for a reason…I do not understand the whole picture….but one day I will.

God does change lives…He is our comforter and our healer...

John 3:7-8

⁷ Do not be amazed that I said to you, ‘You must be born ^[c]again.’ ^{8 (K)}The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the sound of it, but do not know where it comes from and where it is going; so is everyone who is born of the Spirit.”

1 Peter 1:3
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,

1 Peter 1:23
for you have been born again not of seed which is perishable but imperishable, that is, through the living and enduring word of God.

His spirit within you and the word of God(Bible)is living and enduring and is what brings about change in your life.

So if you are tired of hurting…tired of running away…run into his arms of love…

He is waiting for you!

Rest in Him

This past weekend I went to the "Deeper Still" conference with Kay Arthur, Beth Moore, and

Pricilla Shirer.

To start off it was in "Freedom Hall" A good name for what was to take place…

Kay started off with "God's Love" that inspired the last post.

Pricilla taught about the" sabboth"…rest….cease…Pause…breathing room…take time…

Deuteronomy 5:14-15

14 but the seventh day is a sabbath to the LORD your God. On it you shall not do any work, neither you, nor your son or daughter, nor your male or female servant, nor your ox, your donkey or any of your animals, nor any foreigner residing in your towns, so that your male and female servants may rest, as you do. 15 Remember that you were slaves in Egypt and that the LORD your God brought you out of there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm. Therefore the LORD your God has commanded you to observe the Sabbath day.

Remember where you came from? I remember well what the Lord has done for me…Pause and think about that...

Psalm 40:2
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

He wants us to gather each day …and not hoard…if we hoard it will STINK!

19 Then Moses said to them, “No one is to keep any of it until morning.”

20 However, some of them paid no attention to Moses; they kept part of it until morning, but it was full of maggots and began to smell. So Moses was angry with them.

2 Corinthians 5:17

17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come The old has gone, the new is here!

Do we still have our "Slave Mentality"? Do we want to go Deeper Still with our God ? or do we want to stay in Eygpt? The old is GONE…The NEW is here!

Sometimes I feel myself just running on the inside…still waiting for Mell to come back…I catch myself feeling like I am going crazy…then I stop…I get Still …I wait on God…He calms my storm on the inside and gives me the hope I need "I will see Mell again one day" His peace calms my storm…His loves caresses me…engulfs me…He knows how to slow me down…He knows me inside and out…Just like Mell did…only much deeper, and in eternity I will know Him much deeper!

Ps 46:10 Be still and know that I am God.

Exodus 3:15-16

“This is my name forever,
the name you shall call me
from generation to generation.

16 “Go, assemble the elders of Israel and say to them, ‘The LORD, the God of your fathers—the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob—appeared to me and said: I have watched over you and have seen what has been done to you in Egypt.

He knows what we are going through or what has been done to us in the past…He is watching over us and will never leave us or forsake us….Rest in Him…take the time each day and refuse to overdue…enough is enough! Break free from the rush…rush of the world…come out and be separate !