7/12/10
The whole week after I got back I felt like I couldn’t do this life...
A lady who had lost her son...after I had shared my bad week with her thinking she would understand because of her great loss...said to me” Thats why I think losing a child is the hardest..you can always replace a spouse...but not a child...
I was struck with unbelief...she has never lost her spouse! Yet I have never lost my child...but this is just one of those things you don’t say! Everyone's loss is the worst…because it is happening to them.
My prayer continued “ God have mercy on me and give me Peace”
...I had complained to God, one thing when you lose your child you have your husband to hold you...when you lose your spouse...you are so alone...and who feels comfortable holding you...no one...
Friday night I had a dream about Mell...he just came and held me.
I asked him why he had to leave me? He said he had to get back...and he was gone.
Saturday night I awoke at 4am...couldn’t go back to sleep so I was praying and again asking for Mercy and peace...when about 4:45 a strong wind came into my room and blew on my back. I was crying out to God ”What is this?” the right side of my bed was shaking like it was an earthquake but then the left side was not.
I got up and began to search the scriptures about winds...I found one in...
John 20:21 Again Jesus said, "Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you." 22And with that he breathed on them and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit.
I thought “Maybe it was God’s breath” and then I thought “Maybe the answer is at church”
I left for church and Kevin Queen was preaching...Title “God of Peace”
He was talking about an anxious presence and how when a leader is anxious it creates fear. The word “anxiety...means to choke” Choking takes the life out of you...Jesus is not anxious !
Genesis 2:7
7 the LORD God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
John 16:33
33"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
Then he quoted John 20:21 and he breathed on them “the breath of life” and said he is sending us ! Sending us out...take it to others ! Take his peace to others...Be peace carriers! We all have troubles...but those in the world who do not know Jesus...do not have His peace...Jesus said he gave it to us...we must carry it to those who do not have it !
Pray for me to keep peace in my heart these troubled days and the days ahead...and to be thankful for the time I had Mell here in this life and for His Mercy.
I am really looking forward to my new home in heaven !
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