Solo 4th of July

7/4/10

Today was my solo 4th of July without Mell...We never knew where we would be on the 4th...last year we celebrated it with Jay and Sandy...we had a bon fire in the daylight and fireworks in the daylight...that’s Alaska in the Summer!

This year I spent it with my brother...its his birthday on the 4th and he turned 60 this year...it was another hard day for me…but with the help of God and His strength "I did it"

I left the Island...and drove home and then to Nashville to be with my brother on his birthday...on the way home from the Island I was anxious to get home and I was frustrated and felt I was rushing....then that still small voice inside said to me” Mary, why are you rushing? Mell is not there !” wow...something inside of me

was just telling me to rush and maybe he would be there...I can’t explain it...it still is such a shock to have a wonderful husband like Mell...and love to get home because he is there...that... can’t wait to get home to be with him.. feeling...and then suddenly he is gone...forever from this life...just boom... he is gone...one day here the next day gone...I know that’s reality...and in my mind I know it ...but this physical body hasn’t figured it out yet...its just very hard to explain....part of me knows and part of me doesn’t...if that makes any since at all...and as I was rushing home and didn’t know why...but my God is faithful to show me why...”I was rushing home to my husband...who would not be there...Oh how I miss hearing him say “Honey I’m Home”! As soon as I get to heaven I get to say it to him” Honey I’m Home” ! For Eternity !

I told this to Robert and he said ...”yea mom, I was the only one here.”

Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God!

Cease striving and know that I am God!

Calm down and learn that I am God!