My Rescuer

Feb 1, 2011

I feel like everything is closing in on me...the tunnel has collapsed and I am trapped in my grief once again.

I cannot see light anymore...I must once again try to dig myself out... back into the light of my Gods face...I know He is behind all this rubble that has enclosed me and with His help I can dig my way out, one rock at a time...its like being trapped in a mine miles below the earth...knowing that those on the outside are trying to get you out...but you must wait and try to survive until they get to you.

February is upon me and I have a huge list of things that normally I could handle. I think because of the anxiety of the one year anniversary of Mell’s home going...I just can’t cope with big or little small things right now...

So this past weekend I took off for the mountains...the first part of our trip was uphill and very difficult because of the snow and Ice that we encountered. We made it to the top of an observation deck with a beautiful view and a beautiful day to say the least.

We went down to Wilson Gap and camped for the night.

Then the unexpected happened...warm weather...that was the mercy and grace of my God!

That night it was cold but I was ready for it...so I kept very warm.

But are we ever ready for the things that come unexpectedly ?

No we are not...but I believe we can be somewhat ready for them...

We can know God and know His word...so when the storms of life come we have Him to hold on to! Like I feel I am trapped in a mine...but I also know He is there digging with me to get me out!

This is how I believe we can be ready for the storms of Life:

Matthew 13:23 But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it.

He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown.

Matthew 7:24-27

24 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 25 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 26 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 27 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”

Know Him and know His word...Hear His words and put them to practice...build your house upon the ROCK!

John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

White as Snow

I was in Cincinnati for the Christmas snow…so this is my first snow at the house since the memorial service for Mell…11 months ago…being shut in without Mell is very sad for me…

I can't help but think of how things would be different and what we would be doing together if he were here…but he is not here…He has gone Home…and I will join him one day… I have that hope !

Mell has been home with the Lord for 11 months! Its hard to believe its almost been a year.

This snow has reminded me of the night of Mell's memorial service and how they made us leave early because of the snow…as we left the building my son, Graham, made a snow ball and threw it at me square in the back of my head! I in turn made one and threw it back…then Robert began to throw …before you knew it the whole parking lot was in a war!

This year has been a series of battles for me…and I think the Lord is making me white as snow,

purifying me…helping me to settle into my "New Normal" He is opening new doors for me…

as we are starting the new "Grief Share" group at church. I am anticipating what He is going to do in my life and the life of others who are to be part of this group.

Battle after battle…I feel the Lord is winning the battles for me…and the WAR is definitely

won!

Psalm 61:7

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

Isaiah 1:18

Come now, let us settle the matter, "says the Lord. "Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; thought they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.

Losing the love of my life has shown me the worst in me. The ugly things that come out during this kind of loss…Things you don't think are even in you!

But the Lord is faithful and is washing me with his "Word" The Bible, and is making me white as snow! I feel his healing power in my life and as I look at this snow outside my window…I am looking back at what the power of God has done in my life this past year…as I walked down the driveway with Avi and Lynn last night…the snow was reflecting light and it was really bright enough to see without a flashlight…I can see brighter days ahead for me in the Lord!

All of us are sinners…we are in need…we have an empty place in our hearts without God…but God has sent his son, Jesus Christ, to die for our sins…that we may all be with him in heaven…Mell wants all of us there with him…

So let Him wash you and make you as white as the snow outside your window!

www.oneheartbeataway.org

The Finishing Touches

It was a very uplifting Christmas Eve…All the family participated in bringing an ornament for

Mell's Memory Tree and I will cherish all of the ornaments until I get to go home with Mell !

I must say the family was very creative…from ski's for all the skiing trips Mell took them on….to Lighthouses and Moose for another trip…

How about the red striped swim suit, Joyce said Mell used to wear some just like them!

Mell's mom brought the angel with Mell #1 on it she has been putting this on her Christmas tree since Mell was a little boy.

The Little Red Cabin with the trees on the sides is from Helen and Paul …we stayed in their cabin the last summer we were in Alaska.

Our first grandbaby, Lexi she is so cute!

Footballs and Falcons! Airplanes and Lovebirds and butterflies…all of the ornaments hold a special place in my heart and the hearts of the family…we truly were blessed to have been a part in Mell's life and I am forever grateful to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

My son Robert shared a scripture out of Revelation for us, and how the accidental death of Mell

got him rethinking about his walk with God…His life has truly been changed!

Revelation 21

¹ Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. ² I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. ³ And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. ⁴ ‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

⁵ He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

This we have hope in…HIS WORDS ARE TRUSTWORTHY AND TRUE!...our real home is in heaven…this place is temporary!

He awaits his bride and that is His church…THAT IS Us who believe...Everything shall be made new! No more tears!…No more mourning or crying or Pain! Wow!

This is what keeps me going…I look forward to "Everything Made New"!

If you are not sure that heaven will be your eternal home…check out Mell's favorite book to give away…"You gotta read this book" Quote from Mell

go to: www.oneheartbeataway.org

you can give your address and receive your free copy! I KNOW MELL WANTS TO SEE YOU ALL IN HEAVEN!

Memory Ornaments

Already I have received many ornaments for my memory tree…The Star at the top of the tree is to remember how Mell shown bright….and the Snowman from my friend Debbie…who didn't know Mell but we say that her husband, Clyde, and Mell prayed us together, is to remind me of his gift of love to me….she said she wanted a snow angel…this was the closest she could find! I had to put this one on the tree because Avi thought it was hers!

A blown glass airplane from

my neighbor Lynn who did not know Mell but wanted to contribute…we met one day when I was

walking Avi and have become good friends.

The Alaska Bell is from out real-estate Lady Janice…what a blessing!

The Santa Airplane and the Moose and the bear came from Patty and Eric who bought our first

airplane we flew to Alaska…Patty and Eric said "In our hearts we know Mell would not want you

to be sad. So here are some happy reminders of the good times you & Mell had in Alaska!

Pauline who was in our small group at church sent the snowflake…she said"Mell like a snowflake

fallen and quickly gone, But also unique and beautiful, he was a precious perfect snowflake.

Gone but never forgotten, until we are together again in heaven!

and I add…Mell was one of a kind !

The brown cross is from Nancy and Russell from our small group …they shared that Mell's desire

was for his son and others to know the message of the cross…and just as Jesus laid his life down

for us all, Mell laid down his life for his son and the others on the plane.

Be reminded of Mell's presence with the Lord and the joy he is experiencing today and everyday!

Whoever gave me the white cross…?…"Believe says it all" Mell believed!

The next one is from Bill and Diane from our small group…they said " This would have been the first thing Mell would have stated to anyone so that they might share in the Lord's gift of salvation.

added by me….and you gotta read this book ! www.oneheartbeataway.org

Our friends Winnie and Leroy ….we met in Alaska…sent the angel….Mell has his new wings!

Greensboro Family Cemetery

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Ps 34:18

All I can say is the Lord was close to me today as I do not think I would ever be ready to

bury my sweet Mell's ashes. " The Lord Gives and the Lord takes away" "Blessed be the name

of the Lord" Job

I will continue to bless His name until the end…Nothing can separate me from His love…this

world may have temporarily separated me from Mell….but NOTHING can separate me from

the Love of God! and I hang on to that!

We had lots of support and love from all the family today…I am truly BLESSED…thanks to all…

and Thanks to Rebecca(5 yrs old) we now know what ellipsis is...

Give Thanks

Florence Italy

Venice Italy

Ragghianti Family Reunion

with some of my cousins

and Lucca Italy with my cousin Grazia

11/24/10

Regret, Remorse and Change...

Gen 32:3 Jacob sent messengers ahead of him to his brother Esau in the land of Seir, the country of Edom. 4 He instructed them: “This is what you are to say to my lord Esau: ‘Your servant Jacob says, I have been staying with Laban and have remained there till now. 5 I have cattle and donkeys, sheep and goats, male and female servants. Now I am sending this message to my lord, that I may find favor in your eyes.’”

Jacob was asking for favor....forgiveness...I believe he had regret over taking Esau’s blessing and wanted his brothers favor again.

I believe we must be sorry enough to be humble for a change.

be sorry enough to change.

Redeem what we can and release what you can’t change.

I have had to do some hard things..the hardest was to release Mell to be with the Lord...it has taken me weeks to write this.

I can’t change that he is in his eternal home...but I want everyone to be there with me and him!

Recently God has been dealing with me to change....to allow the Holy Spirit to be my comforter. I have been wrestling with Him that I need to comfort myself with my glass of wine. It is something we Italians love to do! Good Food and Good Wine!

He has said “ I will give you new wine”

Genesis 27:37
Isaac answered Esau, “I have made him lord over you and have made all his relatives his servants, and I have sustained him with grain and new wine. So what can I possibly do for you, my son?

Pastor Kevin was asking “ What do you regret?” He went through a list of things....when he got to “it may be grieving the Holy Spirit”

(Earlier I had been reading a book called “The forgotten God” and in there it was talking about grieving the Holy Spirit. I began to think about “Grief” and the pain of it...it hurt me just thinking that I was hurting the Holy Spirit like the pain that I feel.)

Something inside of me just broke and I knew what the Lord was saying to me. I had grieved Him by not letting Him comfort me in my grief....This is BIG....because it has been three weeks now and I actually have PEACE in my pain....there is a calming in my spirit I cannot explain....My friends in the “Grief Share” group have even noticed it.

I believe that humility is one of the hardest things we learn in life here on earth.

We must humble ourselves before God...be sorry enough to Change.

What is it you regret? What is it you are wrestling with God about?

Repentance is “Sorry enough to change” Let God Bless you!

Give in to His Spirit...Jacob wrestled with God...Father God let him win...He blessed him...That is the kind of God we serve...a loving father...who wants to bless us...in my case He wants to be a comforter to me in my grief...Will I let Him?

What ever it is you are wrestling with...Will you let God bless you?

He leaves the choice up to you...

Give Him Thanks this Thanksgiving Day...for He is GOOD!

Jacob Wrestles With God

22 That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. 23 After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. 24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”

But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

27 The man asked him, “What is your name?”

“Jacob,” he answered.

28 Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel,[f] because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”

29 Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”

But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.

30 So Jacob called the place Peniel,[g] saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.”

Dirt Road

Here I am in Barrow County driving

a Transit bus(Flat nose) as they call it, down a dirt road.

I told Tammy this was the first time

I had driven a bus down a dirt road!

She couldn't believe it!