Thursday, July 21, 2011

Home Is No More Goodbyes!

..On the drive into Palmer from Anchorage the first day of my trip... I saw a double rainbow and the last day as I met with my friend Wendy from Sheep Mountain...I saw another rainbow...we both just soaked in its beauty!

I am forever grateful...His promises stand true.


Leaving Palmer...I said goodbye to Jay and Sandy on I say goodbye to Helen and Paul...I can’t

believe the emotion of leaving this beautiful place, and my Alaska family...I really feel I am leaving home to go to my other home...see Graham and Emily in SanFransisco ..and eventually I will get to go to my heavenly home which will be the last place I call home.! It’s emotionally conflicting. I guess the saying stands...”Home is where you hang your Hat”

Mell and I hung our hats in a lot of places...The last place I get to go and Hang my hat is with The Lord Jesus Christ...who is preparing a place for me specifically!

As I left Palmer I went out on the lake behind Helen and Paul’s house and just meditated on God’s love and peace...I said goodbye again to Mell...just seems I am always saying goodbye...

Hello....Goodbye...Hello ...Goodbye...But this is temporary I know!

I am trying to keep my eyes on the eternal...looking at my homes here as temporary! Its hard! But it is true! Home is no more goodbyes!

Revelation 21:

1 Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,”[a] for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. 2 I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Look! God’s dwelling place is now among the people, and he will dwell with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’[b] or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”

5 He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.”

The Unknown Awaits!


The Last day...this was a hard one...I am feeling like I am forgetting him again...leaving him behind...again I put my faith in my God...I am not alone and I am not forgetting Mell !

As I decided to hike Hatchers Pass...I did not know what awaited me...but I just kept hiking...This hike was like my new journey through grief...I just kept walking not knowing what was ahead...I was thinking of the Lord where he said “I go to prepare a place for you” He knows what I love and what satisfies me...when my son comes home...I get excited...I know what he likes and I prepare for him to much greater is the Father preparing for me .

As I walked down this path the beauty overwhelmed me. This great valley walking next to the Little Susitna River...the beauty of the River and the sound of the rushing water...I found a rock and

just soaked it in...really...God met me and filled me full of his love, right there on that rock!

On this journey of grief ...I never know what I am going to encounter...especially here in Alaska the place where we were to retire in the summer months...

I am never surprised at what God can do...sometimes it seems He just makes it even harder for right now on the plane..he places me next to a couple who just got married last night...I told Him it wasn’t funny! But these are the things that I do not expect but they happen anyway...just like the little porcupine who unexpectedly showed up on the trail on my way out! Those prickly little spikes can be painful...but I just scared him off and I didn’t get hurt!

1 Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us the spirit of fear ...but of power of love and a sound mind.

Close But So Far Away

Lake George(way back there)


The only other place I wanted to get to and I couldn’t was the Knik Glacier and Lake George.

I searched the internet and found the Knik Glacier air boat which takes you up the Knik River on an air boat and up to the base of the can see the other glacier far away...but there is no way to get to it except by plane. The Air Boat was like flying on the River…the same noise level..the feel of air… it was as close as I got to flying!

I took the tour and had another going away, “good by” service for my beloved Mell...seems I have to keep saying “Good by” all over again...over and over and over...I just don’t want to ..but I do it by faith and I know the Lord will honor my faith and heal me. Knowing I will see Mell again...I have that faith... Nothing I do is easy...But Blessed be the Name of the Lord. He has not forsaken me!

Job 1

20 At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship 21 and said:

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
and naked I will depart.
The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away;
may the name of the LORD be praised.”

Monday, July 18, 2011

Laughing Out Loud


Seward Alaska...this was the first place I was introduced to Salmon fishing...Mell and I had a fishing and him watching me! I traveled back to all the places here that we had gone. The hotel we stayed in ...the shop we bought our coats in after he had flown off with the door opened on the plane and they got sucked out!

The restaurant we ate in... the places we walked...and the most beautiful part of Seward “Resurrection Bay” Just full of wildlife!

Many of the stories Mell told came out of Seward...He always said we put the Wilde children through college buying hooks from them! I kept getting them stuck in the rocks...and he would keep buying me more. I found a hook in the same rocks…who knows it could have been one I lost??

Then he took the children for a ride in the plane and he told them both... “If you get sick don’t throw up in my airplane...throw up in your shirt !” Well Veronica didn’t get sick but Jed did and guess what? Yea...he through up in his shirt! We laughed about that forever...I miss the laughter so much...there is an empty place in my heart…but I can still hear Mell tell his stories and they will forever be in my heart…I will laugh at him even though he is not here!

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

The Endless Sea of Memories

On the way to Kenai


We took off the next day to make a drop on the Kenai...the fish were not running ... no one was catching anything...everywhere we went nothing! Salmon that is....but deep within the sea...


....There are Halibut...Christina, Rich and I set out for Deep Creek where we caught up with Travis...Mell and I met Travis on our first trip to Alaska. I remember it well .... the 4th of July....Some friends invited us to go Halibut fishing ...we had nothing to Mell and I said “OK” I caught the “Big Fish” 60 lb Halibut...Mell had to help me pull it in...

The sea was a little ruff but the day was beautiful!

We caught our limit and a bunch of Cod...all of which we could keep!

We called Christina the “Cod Lady” She caught 6 nice Cods.

Afterwards we got to visit with Travis's family…His wife Nettie and 3 boys and 1 girl…cute little bunchkins!

Alaska has been a very bitter sweet trip for has brought up so many of the memories of the past ...all of which I know I will never forget...but deep down...somehow...I am fearful...fearful of forgetting…

Travis, Christina and I huddled in the back of the boat before we got back to shore and prayed a little prayer before dropping more of Mell’s ashes into the sea… here... where we came every year to fish. The three of us huddled there with the wind blowing and the boat swaying...crying and missing our beloved Mell.

Life will never be the same…

I know their is a special place in heaven for a man who gives up his own life to save the life of others...

John 15:12-14

12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Overflowing Love


Christina finished her float plane ticket and her and Rich drove into Palmer where we had was good to see her...the last time we saw each other was April 2010 after Mell had gone home. She took me flying in her Super Cub up the Hudson River and around the Statue of Liberty. It was my first flight since his death.

Jay and Sandy have been busy getting ready for their annual fishing trip on the Kenai River, but have always had time for me and their friends. One of their friends drove this Argo 8 wheeler over with his grandkids…its his moose hunting ?? whatever…Jay and Sandy are always giving to other people I am a witness to all that they do... I am blessed to call them my friends. They never cease to feed me Moose and Fish! I love it!


Sandy took us to see the Musk ox the next day and a little tour of the Matanuska River. Mell and I had talked about seeing these weird little creatures but never had.

1 John 4:7
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.

1 Thessalonians 3:12
May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you.

Monday, July 11, 2011

The First Few Days... Love Never Fails


I left the airport in my new ride…(I think I want one) …thanks to my friend Mike! I look good in it Mike…and it makes me feel even more at home!

I am staying with Jay and Sandy..our friends who were with me when I received word that Mell had been in a crash…The first day here Jay took us out in their boat out for a test ride on Cotton wood lake …Jay let me try out driving the boat… ….we visited their friends who live on an Island on the lake…then they put me to work…and I enjoyed every minute of it ...they have taken me under their wings and made me feel like family here..I took this picture of Jay's cub at midnight here…just to give you an idea of the darkness here????

I revisited the Palmer Pool where we spent many rainy days when we couldn’t fly.

The second year we came out here it was a bad that we spent many days with Janice our real-estate lady, when on those rainy days she gave us houses and more houses to look at...we just traveled around looking...and looking...and looking! It was great fun! Getting lost…Mell was so good at finding our way back!

I met with her today...we talked and shared our lives with one another.

Everywhere I drove..I could almost point out some of the houses we looked at...I have seen videos in my head and heard conversations that we had ...and felt very heart aches as I write this, but at the same time I have peace... This place was to be our home. I have let go of making it my home without Mell. But as soon as I got here I said

“Now I remember why we wanted to live here part of the year.”

Yesterday I met with Helen and Paul...we had stayed in their little cabin the last year we were here...We too had much to share about life. On the way to there house there is a street called

"Better Duck" Everytime and I mean everytime we passed it Mell would say "Better DUCK!"

I had to laugh as I heard his voice telling me to DUCK!

I had dinner with Patty… at mine and Mell's favorite restaurant in Palmer "Turkey Red" Patty was the one with me half way up Lazy Mountain.

I left there and visited the Palmer airport…took a picture of a husky airplane like we had …the old courtesy car was still there…what a blast we had as we turned heads in this old clunker!

Again I feel like family here...God is Good...His love endures forever

It has been 17 months since I lost my Mell..

For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations
1 Corinthians 13:8
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.