Monday, March 29, 2010

Wedding Day

I Received this email from a friend in Alaska...keep in mind that the church is the Bride of Christ and where  there is a bride there is a Wedding! Janice is the real-estate lady that helped us try to find property in Alaska.
Good Morning, I hope this email finds you doing the best you can under the circumstances. I wanted to see how you are? I had a dream last night about Mell, he flew to Alaska, was going to sell his plane and he told the Buyer of the plane, the reason for selling was he had to get back to you as you both had an upcoming wedding...I could see him plain as day in my dream...I had to share this with you. I lost my mom in August 2001 and to this day, still have not had a dream about her...
I know he is with you and still enjoying the time you both shared together...I do hope all is well. 
God Bless You Mary, may he keep you safe!

Mell is looking forward and waiting for me when we join Jesus as His Bride….
WEDDING DAY is Coming!

love ya

Kicked Around

The past week has been very painful...coming out of the fog...seeing my hopes and dreams of our future together gone..I always told thing I have never done that I wanted to do was to be faithful to my marriage commitment...I wanted to live the rest of my life with him and I knew I could do it no doubt!
I had no idea that holding to my commitment would be till death do us part.
Now I am looking at a future without my sweet Mell.  All our plans together die too. Everything I loved to do with him die. Everything I do is hard. Church is hard.
Life is just hard. I am doing things and I get there and I seem fine..for some reason when I leave...I break down. I realize I am alone. But God spoke to me and said “You are not alone” So I know I am not alone...but I am without my sweet Mell and I am very tender. It hurts really bad.

Sunday's Message:

Practice Eternal Hope-Enjoy(Embrace) your Story, God gave it to you
Practice Eventual Hope-in time, when things get lost, He will work them out for your good.
Practice Everyday Hope-do good work
Paul was kicked around in life but He went Higher and Further, filled with hope
Phil 1:12, 14
What has happened to me has really served to  advance the gospel
I have been encouraged to speak the word of God more courageously and fearlessly.
love ya

Angel Friends

The other day a lady at the gym I had met a few times...pulled me aside to tell me her story about what God had done in her life.(I haven't seen her since)
The parts of her story the I think applied to me:
Don’t let anyone or anything hold you back not even your husband’s death.
He will show me the beauty in this horrible pain.
Its all about trust in Him, continue to move forward, He is in everything and he is our Heavenly Father and even though we cannot see Him He is always with us and helping us and we can talk to Him all of the time.

Welsch Terrier

I went to look at Welsh Terrier’s a while back...I told Mell I was getting me a dog when he left...I even had it named after the plane we flew to Alaska”Aviat Husky” I will call her Avi.  The owners were Christians(Christ Followers)...I told them my Story..gave them both books”One Heart Beat Away” and “One Thing You Can’t Do In Heaven”....I am embracing my pain and embracing my Story... When I left they prayed for me...God moment…
The Puppies will be born around Easter and I will have her in June.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

God Gift's

Another week gone by without my sweet Mell, the girls at the gym gave me a 100. gift certificate to the Lifetime spa...I had a facial...thinking it was just a facial..but it had its added massage..again for me that relaxation that I need in this stressful time.(this is a great gift for someone going through a very stressful time by the way).
after she had put the mask on me she left the room...I was in the relaxation mode and once again ...God moments happened...I felt Mell speak to me and say” Bring as many here with you as you can when you come” and then the Lord just filled me again with his unfailing full....a love I could never imagine....I just thought I knew His love before...but He has taken me to a new higher level of His love...It overflows...It pours out on me…. ..What beauty...our God is ...

Deeper Higher Love

 Wednesday March 24, 2010

The week after Mell died I fell into a deep sleep. I hadn’t slept much at all that week and while in this deep sleep I felt Mell and Jesus weaving throughout my soul filling me with their love. I awoke suddenly from the closeness of His presence. His love is amazing...a much deeper and higher love than I have ever known.
All I have for now is to carry on the work that God began in Mell and I as we grew closer to Him and closer together as a couple.
All I have for now is to tell the story of how my husband died to save the lives of his life is a type of Christ and how Christ died for us all.
Alan at the Apple Store...Brian the UPS man...the DSL Man...The Chinese delivery guy at the church. ...and the list goes on and on since Mell’s death. I will continue for the rest of my life and intend to take as many with me as I can into the kingdom of heaven.

The Story “The Room” really tells it well..

" The Room.."

In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the

room. There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall

covered with small index card files. They were like the ones in

libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order.

But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly

endless in either direction, had very different headings.

As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was

one that read "Girls I have liked." I opened it and began flipping

through the cards. I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I

recognized the names written on each one. And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was. This lifeless room with its small files was a

crude catalog system for my life. Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match. A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content. Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named "Friends" was next to one marked "Friends I have betrayed."The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird. "Books I Have Read," "Lies I Have Told," "Comfort I have Given," "Jokes I Have Laughed at."
Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "Things I've yelled at my brothers." Others I couldn't laugh at: "Things I Have Done in My Anger","Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My

Parents." I never ceased to be surprised by the contents Often there were many more cards than expected. Sometimes fewer than I hoped. I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived.
Could It be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards? But each card confirmed this truth. Each was written in my own handwriting. Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked "TV Shows I have watched," I realized the files grew to contain their contents. The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file. I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked "Lustful Thoughts," I felt a chill run through my body. I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card. I shuddered at its detailed content. I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded. An almost animal rage broke on me.
One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards! No one must ever see this room! I have to destroy them!" In insane frenzy I yanked the file out. Its size didn't matter now. I had to empty it and burn the cards…
But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card. I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it. Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot. Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh. And then I saw it. The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With." The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused. I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands. I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came. I began to weep. Sobs so deep that they hurt. They started in my stomach and shook through me. I fell on my knees and cried. I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all. The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes.. No one must ever, ever know of this room. I must lock it up and hide the key. But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him.

No, please not Him. Not here. Oh, anyone but Jesus. I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards. I couldn't bear to watch His response. And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own. He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes.

Why did He have to read every one? Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room. He looked at me with pity in His eyes. But this was a pity that didn't anger me. I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again. He walked over and put His arm around me. He could have said so many things. But He didn't say a word. He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files. Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card. "No!" I shouted rushing to Him. All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him.. His name shouldn't be on these cards. But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, and so alive. The name of Jesus covered mine. It was written with His blood. He gently took the card back He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards. I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side. He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished."

I stood up, and He led me out of the room. There was no lock on its door. There were still cards to be written.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

I live only to have “Treasure in Heaven” to share the gospel of Jesus Christ and

how he has changed my life.

love ya Mary

Soaring with Eagles Wings

Tuesday March 9, 2010

As the plane went down I visualize the Holy Spirit with His arms wrapped around my sweet Mell...He flew that plane all the way down like any courageous pilot would have done! Somehow I think a lot of pilots would have panicked...but not Mell Hall!
All the time he was depending on our heavenly father to give him an opening... a place to put the plane down so as not to crash into homes and other buildings. Asking God to take care of me and his family and to save the lives of Josh his son and the others on the plane. He had told me that engine failure on take off is usually fatal, but he was able to put this plane down with three survivors...He was a very brave man and I am proud of him and I am proud to have been his wife even if I only had him for four and a half years. No woman could have been as blessed as me.
Mell was Mell wherever he was ... and he chose to love me forever...until death do us part...Now he soars as the eagle! Flying free...He sure loved to fly!
Psalm 23
Lord The is my shepherd I shall not want
He makes me to lie down in green pastures
He leads me beside the still waters
He restores my soul
He leads me in the paths of righteousness for his name sake
(This was what my time with Mell meant)
We found together that the Lord was our shepherd
He gave us green pastures
He lead us together besides the still waters
He restored our souls!
We began a path of righteousness for the Name of Jesus Christ!
And I will continue that path! For I am not alone!
Yea though I walk through the Valley of the shadow of death
I will fear no evil
For you are with me
Your rod and your staff they comfort me.
Death is but a shadow!
Mell walked through the shadow of death and the Lord was right there with him! I don’t believe for a minute it hurt at all! Shadows can’t hurt anyone!
Now it is up to me to fear no evil! For my God is with me.
His rod and His staff bring me comfort.
I am protected and loved by a heavenly father...a heavenly husband...
I have known His love for 29 years...but never have I known it the way He is showing it to me right is overwhelming me...I can feel it healing my broken heart..
I trust in Him!