Journey to Healing

Happy Birthday Graham!

8/15/10(Graham’s 30th birthday)

The next step in my grief journey will be my first real solo trip without Mell. I have to leave my little puppy Avi too. We all know what a comfort a pet can be at this time of grieving. She will be staying 1 week with my son Robert and the 2nd week with my friend Ruth. I have a real peace today after praying over her and giving her to the Lord to take care of her for me.

I will be leaving for Wyoming on Tuesday on a backpacking trip for 2 weeks one week in and coming out for 1 day and then returning to a different area for another week. It will be the longest backpack I have ever done.

Its all about the climb God is taking me on...

I am asking God for a time of reflection on my life with Mell, all that he gave to me...and what it means in my life now that he is gone... It was his whole heart that he gave to me and my heart belonged to him wholly. I want to reflect on the Love we shared and the fun we had. None of which would have happened without each other.

I am asking the Lord for healing in this Wyoming wilderness area.

I know that He lives in me and goes with me wherever I go.

If you have read past blogs...you might remember the “Breath of God” I think He is preparing me to take the next step. To go beyond what is expected of me. I haven’t a clue what that is...but I am preparing to take it whatever it might be!

"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me?" (Psalm 13:2).

Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice(Ps 55:18)

Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path" (Psalm 119:105).

Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear; then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.

Isaiah 58:7-9

He will lead me.. as on this hike I will take one step at a time,

In grief I will do the same... one step at a time. Some parts of the journey will be harder than others...just like this hike...I’m sure some trails will be harder than others....

My healing will break forth! He will be my rear guard!

I will return on the 1st of September thank you for your prayers at this time.

Solo Anniversary

8/12/10

I made it around and through our wedding anniversary August 9.

My son Graham came to visit from California and we went to the Island and returned on Sunday the 8th which was the 6th month of Mell’s home going. We met with all the family and had dinner,

it was good for us all to be together.

I say I made it around and through because it was my intension to make it through and I ran around it all day. We can go through grief or we can run from it or go around it. Finally at the end of the day I realized I was running...just running...I felt like I was going crazy again!

The anger I felt at God I had not felt since Mell first left this place to be with our God.

I ended the day with thanksgiving and tears to a God who loves me!

I am glad I serve Him and know His love... even when I am angry at Him!

John 14:23
Jesus replied, "If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him.

His home is in me...He lives in me...how can I run from my pain when I have a God who lives in me and goes with me through this thing we call grief?

John 21:17 Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, "Do you love me?" He said, "Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you." Jesus said, "Feed my sheep.

This much I know...I love my Lord...and He loves me...He is asking all of us to “Feed His Sheep” This I will continue to do. Sharing His love with all I meet along this new path He is cutting for me. I will stay on the path and try not to go around or run from it again but if I do, I know He is there to catch me when I fall! I desire to make it through! And with His help and your prayers I know I will!

Crying Out In The Day Of Trouble

8/2/10

Recently I cried out to the Lord for a “Widow Friend” and I mean cried out ! This is an extremely hard road to walk alone. The loneliness can be overwhelming at times. I have had my hearts desire come to pass and be taken away in a moment. The Pain is extreme !

Within two weeks of my cry....Robin at church introduced me though email to my new friend ! Debbie is a widow of 5 years and has been not only an answer to prayer, but an encouragement and a buddy ! She likes to hike ! It's like we were old friends who have reconnected after many years of being away.

What can I say of our God ? He answered me in my day of trouble. He sent me the help and strength I needed. Psalm 20:1-2

My Loss is great to me...and all our family included...God’s word brings me promise that in these severe troubles He will revive me ! He will increase me ! He will bring me comfort !

This He has done in one simple prayer...I knew what I needed and I simply asked...My God came though BIG !

Psalm 71:20-21

You, who have shown me great and severe troubles, shall revive me again, and bring me up again from the depths of the earth. You shall increase my greatness, and comfort me on every side.

What is it you need?...I mean really need...not just a want...a need..Cry out to your God from the depth of your heart...He is a God who hears your cry and answers !

May God answer you in the day of trouble; may the name of God of Jacob defend you; may He send you help from the sanctuary, and strengthen you out of Zion.

Psalm 20:1-2