Thursday, April 22, 2010

A letter to all of you


Dear friends and family...

All too recently I have suffered the devastating loss of my sweet husband Mell as you all already know.

I wanted you all to know that I will cry from time to time. I don’t want to apologize for my tears...they are not a sign of weakness as many think..(Big boys don’t cry)they are not a lack of faith. They are the way God intended me to express the extent of my loss, and they also are to me a sign that I am getting better. Just let me cry and don’t change the subject from “Mell” I want to talk about him and what happened. You are not making me cry when you talk about Mell. Are you kidding? Do you think you can make me cry? I don’t have any problem with this part of grieving! Please just talk about him and listen...I know it is hard for you to see me cry...but it’s I said...tears are bringing healing. An old pastor once told me “Tears are a release valve to the spirit” When I cry I am releasing the pain that is in my heart! I have filled buckets over the past 2 months.

It helps when you tell me that you are praying for me and it also helps when you read my blog. It shows me you care enough to take time out to see how I am doing...Please don’t be afraid to cry with me...some have said its hard to read because it makes them cry...if you love me then cry with me!...there have been many on facebook who have left really great and meaningful comments. I can’t say thank you enough. A few have left comments on my blog...there is a place to do that at the end of the page... and those will be saved please look for the comment box and leave comments with your true heart. It won’t hurt me anymore than I hurt. It really helps... Even if you don’t understand...say you don’t ...I already have learned one thing about grief..and that is that unless you have had a great loss of someone you loved with all your heart don’t understand and that’s ok too! If you have experienced this loss...tell me about it...and if I start to cry..don’t stop sharing and if you cry ...we cry together!

Sometimes I become angry for no apparent reason...I hate to say that “Robert” gets the brunt of my anger...but he does...My emotion are intense because of my grief. I don’t always make sense...please be forgiving and patient with me.

I just need to know you care and I need your presence...a phone call a letter or email. Please don’t wait for me to call you since its hard to get the energy to do so. Sometimes I return calls and sometimes I forget...just please keep calling!

I just want to say “12Stone church has been an amazing support to me in this time...Even Robert’s small group came an helped me out! Amazing what God is doing in our community! Thank you 12Stone! I am healing faster because of you!

This loss is so painful, and right now it feels like the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. But I will survive and eventually recover, whatever that is. My hope is that I will have laughter and joy again someday. Yesterday when I saw our grandbaby...I did feel that joy and I did laugh at the little gummybear! I am sure she will be a real healing for all of us!

Please pray that I continue to accept this loss that I cannot change...Please pray that I will continue to be grateful for Mell being in my life...LIFE IS A GIFT AND IT CAN BE TAKEN AWAY AT ANY TIME...I am grateful that I was his wife even though our time was cut short he gave me so much.

Thank you for caring about me. Thank you for listening to me and praying for me. Thank you for all the food and things you have already done for me. Your concern comforts me and is a gift for which I will always be thankful!




  1. Mary You write so beautifully. The way that you speak of Mell says a lot about the kind of man he was. I wish I had meet him. What a special gift you had with him, and the memory of him will last. Remember the balm of Gilead as our Lord pours in the truth of His word. Psalms 107:19-22 The word of God that can heal your soul! Praise God, He is our Great Physician! I'm so thankful that we can crawl up into His lap an bask in His presents, as He holds us there. We have both been there many times, and praise God we can keep going back. I Love You Mary, I weep with you. I mourn for you. Be most of all I pray for you. Great and mighty things God has in store for you. God will use this for you, to share one day, with other that are suffering and going through hard times as you are now. God Bless You Mary Love Ya Tammie

  2. Mary, every time I think of you and Mell, I tear up. I try to put myself in your shoes and I can't. I haven't lost like you have, yet. My dad has passed and both of David's parents, but in their old age and not suddenly. But I have suffered a different kind of loss in watching a child throw away his future and potential. A few years ago when that loss was fresh, I realized that my life would never be "normal" again, and it hasn't. So what I've come to realize is that what I'm living now is normal for me. It may not be normal for most others. And I have to be OK with that because God in His soverignty allowed THAT pain to be part of my experience. We don't get to chose our pain, but He knows how to weave together the right things to create good for us. It doesn't make sense from our perspective, but it does from His.
    I appreciate your brutal honesty and keeping it real with us. I can't feel your pain but I hurt because you do and I can't lessen it for you. I'm learning alot about processing loss and grief from you; so thanks for baring your soul. When you're ready for a good hike with an old friend, please come up and we'll tackle Mount Yonah in Cleveland. You'll love it. I love you.