Dear friends and family...
All too recently I have suffered the devastating loss of my sweet husband Mell as you all already know.
I wanted you all to know that I will cry from time to time. I don’t want to apologize for my tears...they are not a sign of weakness as many think..(Big boys don’t cry)they are not a lack of faith. They are the way God intended me to express the extent of my loss, and they also are to me a sign that I am getting better. Just let me cry and don’t change the subject from “Mell” I want to talk about him and what happened. You are not making me cry when you talk about Mell. Are you kidding? Do you think you can make me cry? I don’t have any problem with this part of grieving! Please just talk about him and listen...I know it is hard for you to see me cry...but it’s ok...like I said...tears are bringing healing. An old pastor once told me “Tears are a release valve to the spirit” When I cry I am releasing the pain that is in my heart! I have filled buckets over the past 2 months.
It helps when you tell me that you are praying for me and it also helps when you read my blog. It shows me you care enough to take time out to see how I am doing...Please don’t be afraid to cry with me...some have said its hard to read because it makes them cry...if you love me then cry with me!...there have been many on facebook who have left really great and meaningful comments. I can’t say thank you enough. A few have left comments on my blog...there is a place to do that at the end of the page... and those will be saved forever...so please look for the comment box and leave comments with your true heart. It won’t hurt me anymore than I hurt. It really helps... Even if you don’t understand...say you don’t ...I already have learned one thing about grief..and that is that unless you have had a great loss of someone you loved with all your heart ...you don’t understand and that’s ok too! If you have experienced this loss...tell me about it...and if I start to cry..don’t stop sharing and if you cry ...we cry together!
Sometimes I become angry for no apparent reason...I hate to say that “Robert” gets the brunt of my anger...but he does...My emotion are intense because of my grief. I don’t always make sense...please be forgiving and patient with me.
I just need to know you care and I need your presence...a phone call a letter or email. Please don’t wait for me to call you since its hard to get the energy to do so. Sometimes I return calls and sometimes I forget...just please keep calling!
I just want to say “12Stone church has been an amazing support to me in this time...Even Robert’s small group came an helped me out! Amazing what God is doing in our community! Thank you 12Stone! I am healing faster because of you!
This loss is so painful, and right now it feels like the worst thing that could have ever happened to me. But I will survive and eventually recover, whatever that is. My hope is that I will have laughter and joy again someday. Yesterday when I saw our grandbaby...I did feel that joy and I did laugh at the little gummybear! I am sure she will be a real healing for all of us!
Please pray that I continue to accept this loss that I cannot change...Please pray that I will continue to be grateful for Mell being in my life...LIFE IS A GIFT AND IT CAN BE TAKEN AWAY AT ANY TIME...I am grateful that I was his wife even though our time was cut short he gave me so much.
Thank you for caring about me. Thank you for listening to me and praying for me. Thank you for all the food and things you have already done for me. Your concern comforts me and is a gift for which I will always be thankful!