Survival

4/16/10

Survival

I asked the Lord a couple of days ago about the heaviness I had been feeling when I looked at mine and Mell’s pictures...but especially when I looked at his picture. “What is this I am feeling?” It was like I couldn’t look Mell in the eye anymore...like I didn’t trust him...I felt abandoned...

This man who gave me the courage to be who God created me to be...who loved me for who I am, instead of trying to change me into someone he wanted me to be. He gave me something I may never have had if I had not been his wife, for this short time that we were together. “An open Free Heart” A heart that did not allow the hurt of life to harden it...he helped me to be free in my love for him without any fear. He gave me laughter continually...I loved coming home to him or him coming home to me. I realized that I was beginning to harden my heart toward him...by not being able to look at his pictures...because it hurt so bad! Pushing the hurt into my what our Bible study calls “The hidden Chambers” Places where we hide our hurts...then we try to forget about them because they hurt too bad...So I recognized this..and gave it to God...trusting Him..to heal me and bring me to the other side of this thing called grief. Into the Light of the dark tunnel of grief.

Search me O God and know my heart;Try me an know my thoughts ; and see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Ps 19;12-13

By faith I gave this hurt to God...He is my healer...I don’t need to hide from my pain...I can face it head on...

Ps 18:6,9 In my distress I called to the Lord; I cried to my God for help. From his temple He heard my voice; my cry came before Him, into his ears. :9 He parted the heavens and came down...

The Bible says present your body as a living sacrifice...A living sacrifice can get up from the altar at anytime. I choose to stay there! and it hurts! But I know it is no longer I who lives but Christ who lives in me..Gal 2:20

Phil 3:8-15 What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him...

Matthew 26:39 Not as I will but as you will.

Mary